I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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