I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
