Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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