Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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