I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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