I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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