I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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