the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
