And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
