Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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