and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
