ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Vodka?
Forever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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