I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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