I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
