I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
