I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
