you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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