insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
