I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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