i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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