i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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