I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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