Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
