Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
