if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
