hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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