I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We smell like vodka and hangover
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