just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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