does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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