Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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