My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
