drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Pants are for mortals
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
