You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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