It was confusing and full of hummus
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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