I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
