oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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