Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
