You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
