coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
