smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
