It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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