so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
