Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
