i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
