Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
