Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
