Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
