You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
