They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
