he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
