DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i now understand why vodka
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
