i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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