so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize