census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize