those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
