I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
