You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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