Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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