My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
