If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
