she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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