so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
