other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
