I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
