So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
