Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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