im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
