i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
