Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
