got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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