if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
