last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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