"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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