i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize