the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
