I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
