Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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