absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
