who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
