he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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