Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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