so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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