proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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