You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
