I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your cock deserves a montage
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
