So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
