I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
