If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
